Sh#tburgers

It seems every year at the dawn of the new Pirates season I am reminded of Lou Brown from Major League:

All right people, we got 10 minutes 'till game time, let's all gather 'round. I'm not much for giving inspirational addresses, but I'd just like to point out that every newspaper in the country has picked us to finish last. The local press seems to think that we'd save everyone the time and trouble if we just went out and shot ourselves. Me, I'm for wasting sportswriters' time. So I figured we ought to hang around for a while and see if we can give 'em all a nice big shitburger to eat! 

The local press is definitely saying that there is no point to this season and quite frankly it irritates me more and more with each passing year. Perhaps it is the laziness of some that gets to me. Some are looking for some unintelligent punch line to simply throw out there about the Pirates, one to appeal to the masses of Yinzers. Others come out with an analysis, but start out by saying not to even bother. So why do I even bother reading the article?

I would much rather have them not write anything at all then have to even see the crap that gets churned out as analysis. An example of such stunning analysis is that, Charlie Morton sucked last year, therefore he will suck this year. If human beings were as predictable as gravity, then you could make this argument. But last time I checked, human beings have many variables and change often. To make a blanket statement like that, without mentioning a great spring that Morton has had, is poor analysis/projecting.

I'll tell you one thing that is predictable though, how the media in this city will 'write' an article about the Pirates. It is almost a template. Start with some hyperbole that catches the readers attention, make sure to mention the losing streak. Then bring up something irrelevant to this year's team but still in some people's memory to show how bad the team is, think Matt Lawton or Randall Simon. Then circle back to last season, pick someone who was bad last year, say that Player X is not any better this year, and the team is not better as they could not replace him. Then finish again by mentioning the streak.

I believe I have helped save the local media from having to waste their time. They can simply use the above to churn out more garbage to fill up their sports page or sports flyer, what ever it is now that they 'sell'.

Like Lou Brown, I am not one for inspirational speeches or thoughts, but this season has me excited for many reasons. It is a shame that many do not see that either.